Relationship Talk With Bukky: How do I make my relationship fun without sex?

Dear Bukky,

I am in a long-distance relationship and we loved each other. Suddenly, she started changing with less attention. When I am horny and desire sex chat she turns me off with bad comments. We had issues because of this and settled.

She came openly to me that she doesn’t want anything related to sex again in our relationship and I agreed with her because of love and respect.

But since then, our relationship has lost its spark, no fun, nothing like romance to fill the distance gap and [avert] cheating. I just finished service and I’m yet to get a job. I so much love this girl and wish to marry her.

Please advise me, how to I make things work?


Dear reader,

If you are looking for a way to reintroduce the sexiness, you’ll just have to make her know about it.

Apparently, sex is a big deal for you at this point so you have to make her see why she needs to meet you halfway. Relationships could either be a meeting or clash of differing ideas, values and needs. It’s OK if they meet, it’s not if they clash.

If the opinions meet, it’s called compromise and this is what you should aim at. Let her know that although you respect her wish, you really can’t afford to not have those sex chats completely taken off the table. I’ll suggest a reduction in the frequency of sexting, instead of stopping it altogether. So instead of the nightly naughty messages, you could reduce it to thrice a week.

Another option is to adapt to her new ways. Apparently, this would mean more work and require more selflessness on your part. It’ll also require you both to find interesting discussions, and learn a lot about the things that interest and affect the other.

It looks to me that you guys don’t have a lot to talk about asides sex, which might be the reason why the relationship got boring after that was taken off the table.

I feel a combination of both ideas would be perfect for you guys though.


Do you want to talk about your love life, marriage or family issues? Do you have burning questions that you would love to get answers to?

Just send a mail containing your question and location to [email protected], and I’ll provide the most honest answers to them anonymously.

So, why not send that mail today and let’s talk about it? A problem shared is a problem half-solved!


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